Can You Really Control Your Emotions?

Depending on your established assumptions, the answer to this question is both Yes, and No. One theory, called Total Control Theory of emotions holds that complete control of your emotions from the initial flood of hormones through your body to the way you respond is within your control. An opposing theory, No Control Theory, posits that you have no control of your emotions. It’s a “take it or leave it” thought pattern.

However, let’s define some parameters here to make headway. The word ‘control’ elicits this idea of the absolute suppression of something. Afterall, to control something is to exercise authority or influence over it, or to hold in restraint (Websters New Riverside University Dictionary, 1984). When we hear, or see, the word control we automatically start to think of the ability to hold something in restraint, with authority, and without question or interpretation.

In this sense it would be impossible to control your emotions. Emotions are felt as a consequence of your body’s endocrine system reacting to any given situation. Watching a loved family member get married triggers emotions. So does the loss of a family member. Can you really control your emotions in those situations as defined by these parameters?

On the other hand, synonymous with control is regulate. Regulate is defined by adjusting in conformity to a requirement or specification (Websters New Riverside University Dictionary, 1984).

This matter of perspective is the key difference between Total Control Theory and No Control Theory of emotions.

Can you control without question, how your body’s endocrine system will react, in every single situation to every second of every day? Nope.

Can you regulate how your body’s endocrine system might react in a given situation should certain situations arise? You can certainly work on it, and eventually reach a point where you have an amount of self-control. Also, you can control how you react to your body’s flush of hormones in either case.

Your emotions play a vital role in your pursuit of personally valuable goals and finding gratification in meeting your social and intrapersonal needs. A great many emotions are incredibly helpful as in the case of feeling elation for a new job promotion, or for a family member who’s getting married.

Some emotions are seen to be negative as in the case with emotions like jealousy, or anger. However, in some cases, jealousy can serve as motivation to reach a personally held goal that you’ve been putting off.

Emotions serve a purpose, but because all of our emotions have an outward expression, they can and should be regulated. Emotion regulation is thought to exist, and be expressed or used, in 5 different families (Gross, J. (2013, September 10). Can We Control Our Emotions. Retrieved from Big Questions Online: https://www.bigquestionsonline.com/2013/09/10/can-control-our-emotions).

• Situation Selection: Making a choice of which situations you do and do not allow yourself to enter and basing that choice on how you believe your emotions will impact you.
• Situation Modification: Altering the situation you are in so that your emotions will change.
• Attentional Deployment: Altering how you’re interacting within a given situation so that your emotions change
• Cognitive Change: Changing how you think about a given situation to change the impact it has on your emotions.
• Response Modulation: Attempting to modify the emotional response after the emotion has already been triggered.

Each of these families of emotion regulation are used at different times and for different purposes. The earlier an emotion is addressed the easier it is to regulate, so in that field of thought, Situation Selection is always preferable.

However, this may not be the case in situations that would allow for growth or development. Over deploying Situational Selection to the point where you never risk feeling negative emotion can stunt your development of resilience.

Allowing yourself to experience positive and negative emotions will give you a base line to work with so that you can better understand your emotions, what triggers them, and how best to respond. Using techniques like bio-feedback and mindful meditation may help you to create models of responses to specific emotions, and emotional regulation.

While you will never have full control of the world around you, you do have complete control of how you respond to it. Honing this skill of regulating your emotion is the best way of accepting responsibility for your emotions and how you react to triggering events and people. In this way, it is completely possible to control your emotions.